Tuirse: Deep Soul Exhaustion

Tuirse, an Irish Gaelic word, that I came across. Ever heard of it? Maybe it will resonate with you like it did with me. 

Beautifully described by someone as a deep “soul exhaustion” of the body and spirit that cannot always be fixed by a simple night of sleep. 

THIS is what I have felt for so long. 

Don’t misinterpret it for weakness, it is more closely associated with depletion. 

I had never heard of the word yet when it found me, there couldn’t have been a more perfect word to describe what I couldn’t explain. I feed off of moments of awareness like this. 

The word tired could never explain it accurately. Weary, comes a little closer but it's more than that.

It's weary and worn from the grief, the conflict, and the uncertainty of dealing with a manipulator. Constantly having to defend or be on high alert. This is about enduring something long past the point when you thought you could. And longer than you should have had to. 

I haven’t just been tired; my soul is exhausted.

Sleep doesn't fix it because sleep means that your physical body rested, not that relief came to that dark place inside where you store everything you have carried far too long. 

I’m not sure if you have to fix it or if maybe time just takes care of it. I don’t have that answer. But either way, I do think we deserve to acknowledge it even if it's only to ourselves. 

Toxic relationships don’t cause “tired”, they cause soul exhaustion.