The Clarity Library

I spent years experiencing things I didn't have words for. Now I'm learning the words, understanding the patterns, and discovering how emotional abuse and chronic stress can affect not only our minds, but our bodies too.

This is where I share personal and borrowed stories, hard-earned lessons, and what I'm learning about narcissistic abuse, the nervous system, emotional manipulation, and healing.

Finding the words for what happened helps us understand what we've been carrying which leads us on a path back to ourselves.

Pieces of the Puzzle

There's no reason to put together a 10,000 piece puzzle alone. I have moments of great clarity when I walk in nature. One day, while moving through the trees and surrounded by quiet, things started to come together, like this enormous puzzle with thousands of pieces finally starting to make sense. I didn't have this realization from one specific therapy session or a single breakthrough conversation. It was hundreds of moments, accumulated over years, all falling into place at

Jul 83 min read

Piecing Together Narcissistic Abuse

There’s a truly sickening paradox in healing from narcissistic abuse. You want peace and you want all the questions answered.

4 days ago4 min read

Let's Play a Game: Predator and Prey

Ever played this game? Predator and Prey. It’s a hunting game, a game of power. Here’s how it works: Round One: Selection Player one, The Predator, walks into a room full of people. Scanning the environment, picking up on subtle cues—a look, body movement, a voice that sounds kind, a hand that instinctively covers the mouth when they laugh. They spot their prey quickly. Player two, The Prey: they notice something different and exciting. They are genuinely impressed. They are

4 days ago5 min read

Your Interior World: What it means to feel the need to cleanse your inner world after manipulation

Anybody remember how you used to have to rewind a cassette to hear your favorite song again? Or what about rewinding the same song over and over and over? I still do that but now it’s so much easier on Spotify. This song, these lyrics specifically "Sometimes I feel cold, even paralyzed. My interior world needs to sanitize" (The Hype by Twenty One Pilots) were on repeat for more than a year. They were hauntingly specific as if someone else wrote these words to explain my inner

4 days ago5 min read

Tuirse: Deep Soul Exhaustion

Tuirse, an Irish Gaelic word, that I came across. Ever heard of it? Maybe it will resonate with you like it did with me. Beautifully described by someone as a deep “soul exhaustion” of the body and spirit that cannot always be fixed by a simple night of sleep. THIS is what I have felt for so long. Don’t misinterpret it for weakness, it is more closely associated with depletion. I had never heard of the word yet when it found me, there couldn’t have been a more perfect wor

4 days ago1 min read

Munnin: Why memory matters when you've been manipulated.

"Huginn and Muninn fly each day over the wide world. I fear for Huginn that he may not return, but I fear more for Muninn."— Grímnismál Every morning, Odin sends two ravens into the world. Huginn, whose name means Thought. And Muninn, whose name means Memory. At the end of each day they both return, bringing him news of everything they have seen and everything that has happened across the world while he waited. Most people assume Odin would fear losing Huginn (thought) most.

Aug 195 min read

From Toothpaste to Trauma: How manipulation and control sneak up on you

Twenty-five years ago, I was given a life lesson on the “proper” way to use toothpaste. Every time you used it, you were supposed to apply pressure to the end of the tube and squeeze the displaced toothpaste back toward the top. It was the correct way. Looking back, after the charm, charisma, attention, and desire had done their job and I had already started thinking, How could I be so lucky to find someone like this? the small suggestions began. At first, the suggestions can

Aug 192 min read